Bits of the Odd, "Corny," Unusual, Funny, or Tall Tales
1886 Dating Service
Submitted by Wilma J. Vande Berg of the Greater Sioux County Genealogical Society
Alton's 1886 Dating Service March 27, 1886
The BOYS of ALTON A few Pen Pictures of our Boys Gotten Up Especially for the Ladies. We hope no one will be rash enough to kill us for doing this, until we have time to have our measure 'took' for a tombstone.
Mike Hoxmier - would make a grand husband for some maiden. He is young, tolerable good looking, kind and is a lighting manipulator of brown paper and twine. He was raised in the grocery and dry good business and knows all about it. Besides this he is rich. Who will have him.
John Wedenfeller - is a mighty quiet fellow inclined to be a little bashful, but he likes calico as well as any of the other boys. He is intelligent, good-looking and enterprising, and will some day furnish a gentle woman, a nice brick house and oceans of happiness.
Frank Arens - is a rustler and he sometimes wears a plug hat. He is handsome, and the girls call him 'darling'. He is always happy, and gives everybody a smile and a good word. His tongue runs like clock-work, and he can out talk a stump orator, but that's what makes him popular with everybody. Frank has the 'tin' and the best heart that ever beat beneath a liver-pad. The girl who 'Mary's' him will have her future happiness insured.
Nic Arens - is as sweet as he is happy, and a girl in Council Bluffs thinks he is just too good to live so lonely, all by himself. We think so too. Nic has a good head for business, and is bound to accumulate wealth before he gets bald headed. He is happy though, and he makes everybody else happy that is with him. We congratulate the future Mrs. Nic Arens.
John Uilberg - is a modest, quiet young man, works hard and earns every cent he makes. He is worth a car-load of ordinary fellows, and the girls all know it, but as yet have failed to make an impression upon his heart.
Pete Bamberg - is a confirmed bachelor. He looked upon wedded life with horror and the girl who weds him will have to use chloroform first. We think a good loving girl could fix him all right, though. He is one of the happiest and best fellows in the world. When a friend asks a favor, he has no such word as no. No wonder the ladies like him.
Joe Herman - is a capital story teller and withall a real good fellow. He ought to have a wife and family by all means. He works hard, earns lots of money and lays it away in his sock for a rainy day. He's a sensible man, worthy of a good girl.
Quite the catches, girls.