AN EARLY JUSTICE COURT

 One Mr. B- having run away with another man's wife, the parties were
pursed.  Mr. B. was captured and brought before the 'Squire Brubaker, who,
after due preliminaries, proceeded to try the cause of "The People Vs. B."
The witnesses and attorneys, however, not being on hand, the 'Squire,
prisoner and Sheriff played cards and drank whisky.

     After some delay, the parties appeared-John Alexander for the State,
and Dr. C.W. Buffum and James Wood, Esq., for the defense.  The case was
called; and upon the appearance of each witness upon the stand, the counsel
for the defense would object to them on the ground that they were
incompetent, being two-thirds drunk, and the Justice would exclaim, "Sit
down, G-d d-n you!"

     The case had proceeded about half-way through, when the worthy 'Squire,
thinking it somewhat dry, called for liquor; but the jar was empty.  He
arose, staggering, to his feet, and delving his hands down into his
capacious breeches-pocket, produced a quarter, with the excamation "I
(hic)go-goes a quar-(hic)-quarter; who else (hic) goes a quar-quarter?" Upon
being remonstrated with, he rose, and in all his dignity exclaimed,
"Gentlemen, this case has proceeded far enough without liquor, and by G-d I
adjourn this court until we have had some whisky."

     After indulging again from the noted jar, which was replenished by the
defendant, the case proceeded.  The attorneys for the defense had been
having their own way, when a witness was produced on the stand whose
evidence would have proved fatal to their client, and one who had not
indulged in the flowing bowl.  They then used a strategem worthy of a better
cause.  Taking the prisoner into an adjoining room, his cousel told him to
come out and confront the 'Squire, shake his fist at him and tell him as
follows: "'Squire, I have heard you said you would send me to jail anyhow;
now by G-d, you do it!"

     The worthy magistrate was amazed.  This was too much for his royal
dignity.  Slowly rising, he turned to the prisoner, with the exclamation:
"You go to h-l!" At this, the prisoner started for the door, when the
Sheriff intercepted his farther progress, and demanded of the Judge what he
should do with the prisoner, when the still excited magistrate belched
forth, "G-d d-n him! take him to h-l for all I care."

     The Sheriff took his prisoner a short distance, and then returned to
the court, saying, "'Squire, you told me to take the prisoner to h-l; we are
as near that place as I want to get.  Prisoner, you are discharged."

     It is to be added that Mr. Wood, who appeared as counsel for defense in
the case, was then working at his trade-blacksmith-in a shop on the bank of
the river, the site of which is now a part of the river bed.  Mr. Wood, who
still resides in Vinton, says that the above statement is substantially
true; and adds that it was by his advice that the witnesses and Justice were
fully plied with liquor, as he saw that was the only chance for escape his
client had.

     It is not to be inferred from the above that all the magistrates in the
county held similar courts, or indulged in drinking to that extent while "on
the bench."

Transcribed by Kate Connerth and submitted to
the IAGenWeb Project on October 14th, 1997.
Copyright © 1997 by Kate Connerth.